Today is a month ago that Mother died.  A month.  It was so sudden, yet expected.  We thought we were ready for this to happen...guess you never are.

We also just got back from vacation today.  I was a bit unsettled and dreading a portion of the vacation. This was the same beach house that we took Mother too a month before she died. My Sisters & I "happened" upon this enormous feat in April. What was suppose to be a getaway weekend for Beth & I turned into Mother's last trip to the beach with her daughters....which was a much better idea. And I'm so glad it worked out that way. It was meant to be and it was definitely a God Thing.  When we left the beach that day, we never knew that is just 4 short weeks she would be gone.....

While at the beach house this past week I couldn't help but think about my little Mother.  I slept in the same bed that she and I slept in.  I sat on sofa in the same spot she had sat.  I looked out the same glass doors she scrubbed and cleaned.  Today, I cleaned a spot off the kitchen floor that had bothered her and we wouldn't let her "clean" it b/c we were afraid she would fall.  When Kent ask what is the world was I doing...I said I was doing if for Mother.  He understood. 

Two weeks ago, I thought about her and thought "I need to call Mother", then just as quickly I remembered.  I miss her.  Not like my sister Beth, because she lived with Beth.  She was part of her daily routine.  It's different.  Also, I think it is because of my career.  Being a nurse and a nurse that has cared for Hospice patients as well as still working for a home care & hospice agency, I'm use to death.  Sorry, I don't mean to be offensive.  But to me, death is part of life.  No, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when people you love die, because it sure does.  It took years for me to quit crying and mourning my daddy's death.  But that was 17 years ago.  I've learned a lot since then.  And I'm older. 

I've lived away from my family for 31 years.  I've often wondered why God had me, the baby, move 4 hours from my family.  We knew our move was God ordained.  And it hurt so badly.  I cried for 2  years.  But then, this became home.  Our children were raised here.  New memories were made.  It was still a "trip" to go back home...but we did.  But the move was necessary for growth as a couple, a family and maturity.  Not always easy.  Some times down right hard.  But done.

So Mother being gone is not new to me.  I saw her about every 2-3 months.  It will probably hit me kind of hard within the next month.  In fact, that is probably why I thought about calling her recently.  We visited by phone...often.  Usually not long conversations.  But enough to share, laugh, spread some family news or chat a little. 

A month...I can't believe it.

Vacation week is over....

Whew....what a week, well actually 8 days!  We vacate to Topsail Island every year.  It is a small, not-so-commercialized, beach.  We love it.

For years we have stayed at our friends precious beach house....ocean view...unobstructed....really quaint.  Still don't understand how they can rent it out...it is beyond my comprehension!  I would have to stay there!  She chose such amazing colors for her walls.  Aquas, deep blue, purple, coral red....love, love love it!  I immediately "feel" the beach when I walk in.  I feel this way every time....every year....love it!

This year I was a little sad.  Our son, daughter in law and grand-babies did not go with us.  I don't want to dwell on that.  They moved in May to TN and due to a great job change and he didn't have the vacation time built up yet.  It was sad to us...but you have to accept the things you can't change.  So I'm trying.

But, we did have our daughter and her husband as well as my 87 yo Father in law who lives with us.  We rested an enormous amount.  Watched tennis, soccer and other stuff as a family...really good times.

Being that the beach is right there at us...you could sit on the deck and see the waves.  Very cool indeed.  Perfect place for a cup of morning coffee or a cool beverage later in the day.  I didn't feel I had to be "on" the sand all the time.  Really, really cool indeed.

Think one of the nicest surprises is my hair.  I had it cut, really, really short 2 weeks ago.  I don't do short hair and not sure why I did it.  It is short.  Too short.  Hate it.....But at the beach...it was GREAT!  Wash, dry and go....awesome!  This picture was taken after when had been out on the beach and was windblown!  I had just come in and sat down at the computer and Melissa snapped some photos!  Now that I'm home...it will need to grow!

Melissa & Brandon were great.  Helping out as well as having fun.  He convinced her to go out in his little Jon boat one day...she wasn't thrilled. ....but did it anyway.  He loves fishing.  Even went deep sea fishing one day about 20 miles out but the water was too rough to go any further.  Their precious pooch Mattie, was with us too...sleeping from one lap to the other or perched on the back of the sofa.

I'm not sue when I have had such a relaxing vacation.  I've got more to tell, but am going to split it up some.  Anyway, we're home.  Rested. God is good...not that I had any doubts!

2 Weeks Ago...8:46a.m.

Two weeks ago, at this minute, I got the call from Beth (get her link)that Mother was unresponsive. 

It had started out as an ordinary day for Mother...according to the staff of the assisted living.  I can imagine her up with her morning routine...bathing, dressing...cleaning with a dust cloth of some fashion in her hand...not sure what was going through her mind these last days.  She had become obsessed with cleaning.  Actually, always was, but used a normal balance with life.  But here lately, it was the number one thing on her mind.  Consuming.   I think it was because it was the only thing in her little life that she could control the outcome of.  Add to that the fact that Mother enjoyed cleaning. 

Wonder if she knew she was dying?  Wonder if she had glimpses of heaven?  Wonder if she saw family members passed?  I feel sure she heard us rallying around her...talking tenderly to her, loving her, telling her it was ok to go be with Jesus....ushering her into heaven.

Death is an amazing event under natural circumstances.  Don't think I'm morbid please.  I am a great respecter of Life.  Being a nurse, and being a Hospice Nurse, I've seen many deaths.  I've "pronounced" their deaths in their homes and called the funeral home to come.  I've seen the end of life come many times.  I've given training on the end of life care and end of life decisions.  I've seen the clinical side many times.  I've also seen the loving side too.  Daddy...now Mother.  Being in attendance to share those last minutes of life....I'm thankful God allowed me to be there.  A great memory of being in attendance with them at the end of their lives, knowing they were in attendance with me in the beginning of mine...special bonding.

When I got home from Mother's funeral, I read the "90 minutes in Heaven Book".  It gave me reassurance of what Mother experienced.  It was a great comfort.  I would say Mother is "dusting" in heaven...but I'm sure she is at peace...and there is NO DUST!

Just 2 weeks ago, Mother was alive, walking, talking...that could have been the same of any of us.  She died unexpectedly, yet expected.  At any given time, I expected the call.  Then it came.

About a week prior...my cell phone rang...I saw it was Beth's home number...I became ALERT..."Hey Sis" I said.  Mother said "Hello Susie".   I was stunned.  Mother had Beth to dial my number.  It was only about a 30 second conversation...Mother talked, I listened.  She said, "I just wanted to tell you I loved you, and you know I always have".  I assured her I did indeed and that I loved her as well.  When she hung up the phone, I sobbed.  I thought she was going to die that night.  It was the last time I talked with her. 

God, our heavenly Father, has a way of showing us such love and compassion when we least expect it.  How very much he loves us....and always has. 

clutter is my middle name.....

Unlike my Mother....I'm not a fan of continuous house cleaning...Mother loved it...I do not. 

Part of that is because I like to have things...lots of them.  And I also have a lot of different interest. 

I like to sew simple things for my granddaughters. So I have sewing machine, fabric and ribbons...lots. 

I like to paint a little on the crafty side.  So I have painting supplies, canvases and the such.

I like to make jewelry.  So I have tons of beads, wire, tools, etc.

I like to read...therefore I have magazines and books.

I like to grow certain plants.  So I have houseplants that require attention.  Deck plants and those in the yard as well.   But I don't like yardwork...

I like to exercise, well, the THOUGHT of exercise.  I buy exercise videos and equipment, pedometers, yes that is plural. and Ipods...plural as well. 

I have a weakness for office supplies...I get a rush walking in a Staples! 

With all of these varied interest...well, it requires STUFF and I have some of all of it!

Then to add into the mix the mountain of paper, bills, newspapers, and mail in general....it's a mess.

My dear daughter is 29 years old.  She is the ultimate in organization and cleaning.  She and her husband live about 1 1/4 hour away.  He was fishing this weekend at Myrtle Beach, so she said she was coming to spend it with me and we were going to do a PROJECT.  Well folks, I know "Mrs. Clean's" projects.  She doesn't mean something fun...she means "Mama...we are going to clean your house"!  Often times when she would come to help out, she and I would play a TIMING game and see if we could accomplish the tasks in a certain time-frame.  Again I say....She is the ultimate in cleaning.  I think my Mother's desire for house cleaning skipped a generation and hit Melissa full force.  She has always been this way...even as a small child!  I have a lady that cleans for me every Friday...but only on the main floor...living room, kitchen, dinning, foyer...etc.  The upstairs is my domain (bedrooms, bath, sitting room and landing)...and a cluttered mess.

So we commenced to cleaning on Friday night...all the way through till today after church.  She has a philosophy that less is more.  Clothing for example.  If an item has not been worn in a season, out it goes.  She went through my closet, me trying on clothes, and the decision being made if it was a keeper or not.  We cleared 80 hangers of clothing.  Seriously.  Bagged up 12 large, huge, trash bags into the bed of the truck and drove to the Salvation Army, about 45 minutes away, to donate them.

She kept saying don't you feel freedom!!!  And you know...I actually did.  I felt like a new person! I felt like I was watching an episode of Clean House.  You know, where they fight to keep their stuff and then finally relinquish the item and all of a sudden they start getting rid of everything!  That's how I felt!  We ended up taking a nap...well she did, and while she was sleeping I went through and bagged up a whole lot of things on my own!  It was nothing short of amazing!

This weekend, we focused primarily on Kent's and my bedroom.  By the way, she went through "his" closet too and did the same!  And he responded the same way I did!  Fussed at first, then joined in!  She went all the way to even numbering the soles of the sock matches so when washed...they would be easily matched!!!

We both are amazed at how we feel today.  She has gone back home and I have continued to clean and finish our bedroom.   As she left, she reminded us that being she is a teacher, she has the summer off and she will be back!  Another project, another time. 

Thanks Melissa...you're amazing!  Thank you so much!!!