My plate is full....

I feel that I am living in a whirlwind these days.   Last week, I flew out to Washington DC on Tuesday for a National Hospice & Palliative Care Conference; flew back in on Friday evening.  Quickly packed and left on Friday evening for the beach weekend with my Mother and Sisters (Monday's blog) and returned home Monday afternoon , emotionally drained.  Began work yesterday with a meeting marathon followed by lunch. But my week is only starting. We are keeping our precious granddaughters this coming Friday through Sunday afternoon while my son and daughter-in-law go to Tennessee to sign the lease and look at the place they are moving to the following week.  I then leave Sunday afternoon for the NC State conference for Home & Hospice Care.   I will return on Tuesday afternoon and have a LONG day at the golf course on Wednesday for our Annual Golf Tournament which is one of our biggest fundraisers for our Foundation...and I know nothing of the game of golf...but my presence is required. Then bright and early Thursday, we leave, caravan style, to make the 7 hour trek up the mountains to Knoxville, TN where my son and his family are moving.  We will stay and help them settle in and then on Sunday my husband and I will return, lonely and broken hearted, to our home...7 hours away from them.

I am trying to squeeze in all the time I can find to spend with my precious granddaughters.  They are the most wonderful gift from God.  If you're not a grandma, then you really don't get it, if you are a grandmother, you absolutely know what I am talking about.  They are just at such a sweet age to.  Ally will be 4 in August, and Annie Grace will be 2 in August.  We have such fun.  Tea Party's are the best.  Don't let me get sidetracked.  I could go on and on....typical Grandma!  But, back to my story.  I stopped by the store to pick up some things for dinner on my way home from work yesterday and when I got home and was greeted at the door by the Little Diva's that had come to see ZuZu and Poppy and have dinner. It was then that I realized that I had left some of the groceries at the store!!! How frustrating.

Again, back to the whirlwind!....My schedule is extremely tight right now. I look around my room as I type before heading to the office.  I have 2 suitcases on the floor...begging to be unpacked.  One from my Washington trip and the other from the beach trip...I don't have time yet.  I simply run and pull out what I need at the moment!  I'd rather spend my hours with them...the suitcase can wait until Sunday when I leave again!...or maybe it will be 3 suitcases ont he floor waiting to be unpacked!!! 


When I think of them moving, I do see the positive...but the negative...I feel.  Of all the times of the year for their move, why now?  We have no doubt that this move is of God's greater plan.  But why now, why not next month when things are slower for me.  Doesn't God know my schedule of events?  I couldn't even be at our church Sunday for the commissioning service for their farewell due to previous plans.  Why now??  I want to stomp my foot and say, can't you see I'm swamped already!!!  Lord, what are you doing to me!?!?!?  Silence......Oh, but that's right, this isn't about ME!!!  How I forget.  I'm not usually a selfish person, in fact, I consider myself a selfless person... ...hmmm, or do I? 

If you're a believer, you have to know that God Almighty has a plan.  Very seldom does it immediately make perfect sense or come at OUR right time.  But that is the beauty of living a life for Christ...His plans are perfect, mine are busy...His are for the ultimate good, mine, well, evidently they are for me.   I get caught up in the whirlwind and my focus goes astray and is cluttered with the debris of ME. How sad. So glad GOD is in control and not me.

What an awesome reminder.  It's not about me.  

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)                                                    

Growing Old Isn't for Sissies....

Just coming in from a week-end at the beach. My sisters, Beth & Patsy, brought Mother to my house on Friday evening...and we continued on the trip to our destination: Topsail Island, NC. That all sounds pretty normal. Why, folks go on girls weekends all the time. BUT...this trip was anything but normal. See, it was actually a miracle for all of this come about. Our Mother is in very declining health. She's almost 89 years old, very frail and just recovered from a bout of CHF that was nearly fatal and in fact the MD was ready for her to become a Hospice patient. She hasn't been to my home in at least 5 years; probably more like 7 or 8 years. In fact, it's been so long that I've lost count of the years...if that tells you anything. So, needless to say, it was a bit ambitious for us to think we could do this thing...but, "WE" McKnight girls are hard to stop when we put our minds to something. Just ask any of our husbands! LOL!

After arriving at Ken & Laura's beach house late on Friday night, we then were faced with the challenge of getting Mother up the 18 steps into the house...one of our fears. Being very typical of coastal living, this precious house is built on stilts. I must say, she made it...with a few "behind" lifts from us. The 2nd of many miraculous feats was accomplished. Not going to go into all the details of the weekend b/c frankly, they are just too numerous. But we made it.

Mother, we are convinced, is flirting with Alzheimer's...undiagnosed of course. She repeated herself so many times. Same questions, same concerns, and us with the same answers...with a twist, thinking that maybe this time...it would stick. But no, it didn't. The best solution was to change the subject and give her mind a reprieve, however small, from the relentless statements she couldn't "file" in her brain so that she could recall later. It was a hard weekend. Hard for her "doing" and hard for us "seeing".

I guess I've said all of that, to say this...when nothing else remains in your brain such as birth dates, places, names of your children...it all comes down to the "CORE" of who you are as a person. Mother's "CORE" is God. Unequivocally. No doubt. Hands down. The End. She prayed the blessing for most of our meals. Her prayers were beautiful. Deep. Connected. Spiritual. Serene. Powerful. We took turns providing her care or overseeing her actions so the others could rest, watch TV, work a puzzle, etc. One evening, during my time with Mother so my sisters could watch a movie, I convinced mother to lie down for a "rest". She was very anxious, wanting to immediately get up. So, I asked her to sing with me while we laid there holding hands on the big, King-Size bed. She was all for it. We sang Jesus Loves Me, Amazing Grace, What A Friend We Have In Jesus, The Old Rugged Cross....a few oldie but goodies in the Hymn arena. She was at peace, even if just for a while.

All this made me give a lot of thought to my core. Mother taught me much. All my life, she taught me that Prayer Changes Things....one of her favorite sayings. She taught me that you need to be kind, reach out to others in need, share your blessings and share your faith.

As we got back to my house for a quick potty break before continuing their trip home to the Piedmont of N.C., I watched Mother apply her lipstick before getting out of the car. I was reminded of another lesson she taught me around the age of 12 years old..."No lady is dressed until her lipstick is on"!

I love you Mother. You're an amazing woman of God...your "CORE" is healthy. If I can only be a little like you.

This post is dedicated to my Mother...Annie. ...may her legacy live on in her "Girls". Thank you God for this weekend.