2 Weeks Ago...8:46a.m.

Two weeks ago, at this minute, I got the call from Beth (get her link)that Mother was unresponsive. 

It had started out as an ordinary day for Mother...according to the staff of the assisted living.  I can imagine her up with her morning routine...bathing, dressing...cleaning with a dust cloth of some fashion in her hand...not sure what was going through her mind these last days.  She had become obsessed with cleaning.  Actually, always was, but used a normal balance with life.  But here lately, it was the number one thing on her mind.  Consuming.   I think it was because it was the only thing in her little life that she could control the outcome of.  Add to that the fact that Mother enjoyed cleaning. 

Wonder if she knew she was dying?  Wonder if she had glimpses of heaven?  Wonder if she saw family members passed?  I feel sure she heard us rallying around her...talking tenderly to her, loving her, telling her it was ok to go be with Jesus....ushering her into heaven.

Death is an amazing event under natural circumstances.  Don't think I'm morbid please.  I am a great respecter of Life.  Being a nurse, and being a Hospice Nurse, I've seen many deaths.  I've "pronounced" their deaths in their homes and called the funeral home to come.  I've seen the end of life come many times.  I've given training on the end of life care and end of life decisions.  I've seen the clinical side many times.  I've also seen the loving side too.  Daddy...now Mother.  Being in attendance to share those last minutes of life....I'm thankful God allowed me to be there.  A great memory of being in attendance with them at the end of their lives, knowing they were in attendance with me in the beginning of mine...special bonding.

When I got home from Mother's funeral, I read the "90 minutes in Heaven Book".  It gave me reassurance of what Mother experienced.  It was a great comfort.  I would say Mother is "dusting" in heaven...but I'm sure she is at peace...and there is NO DUST!

Just 2 weeks ago, Mother was alive, walking, talking...that could have been the same of any of us.  She died unexpectedly, yet expected.  At any given time, I expected the call.  Then it came.

About a week prior...my cell phone rang...I saw it was Beth's home number...I became ALERT..."Hey Sis" I said.  Mother said "Hello Susie".   I was stunned.  Mother had Beth to dial my number.  It was only about a 30 second conversation...Mother talked, I listened.  She said, "I just wanted to tell you I loved you, and you know I always have".  I assured her I did indeed and that I loved her as well.  When she hung up the phone, I sobbed.  I thought she was going to die that night.  It was the last time I talked with her. 

God, our heavenly Father, has a way of showing us such love and compassion when we least expect it.  How very much he loves us....and always has. 

Growing Old Isn't for Sissies....

Just coming in from a week-end at the beach. My sisters, Beth & Patsy, brought Mother to my house on Friday evening...and we continued on the trip to our destination: Topsail Island, NC. That all sounds pretty normal. Why, folks go on girls weekends all the time. BUT...this trip was anything but normal. See, it was actually a miracle for all of this come about. Our Mother is in very declining health. She's almost 89 years old, very frail and just recovered from a bout of CHF that was nearly fatal and in fact the MD was ready for her to become a Hospice patient. She hasn't been to my home in at least 5 years; probably more like 7 or 8 years. In fact, it's been so long that I've lost count of the years...if that tells you anything. So, needless to say, it was a bit ambitious for us to think we could do this thing...but, "WE" McKnight girls are hard to stop when we put our minds to something. Just ask any of our husbands! LOL!

After arriving at Ken & Laura's beach house late on Friday night, we then were faced with the challenge of getting Mother up the 18 steps into the house...one of our fears. Being very typical of coastal living, this precious house is built on stilts. I must say, she made it...with a few "behind" lifts from us. The 2nd of many miraculous feats was accomplished. Not going to go into all the details of the weekend b/c frankly, they are just too numerous. But we made it.

Mother, we are convinced, is flirting with Alzheimer's...undiagnosed of course. She repeated herself so many times. Same questions, same concerns, and us with the same answers...with a twist, thinking that maybe this time...it would stick. But no, it didn't. The best solution was to change the subject and give her mind a reprieve, however small, from the relentless statements she couldn't "file" in her brain so that she could recall later. It was a hard weekend. Hard for her "doing" and hard for us "seeing".

I guess I've said all of that, to say this...when nothing else remains in your brain such as birth dates, places, names of your children...it all comes down to the "CORE" of who you are as a person. Mother's "CORE" is God. Unequivocally. No doubt. Hands down. The End. She prayed the blessing for most of our meals. Her prayers were beautiful. Deep. Connected. Spiritual. Serene. Powerful. We took turns providing her care or overseeing her actions so the others could rest, watch TV, work a puzzle, etc. One evening, during my time with Mother so my sisters could watch a movie, I convinced mother to lie down for a "rest". She was very anxious, wanting to immediately get up. So, I asked her to sing with me while we laid there holding hands on the big, King-Size bed. She was all for it. We sang Jesus Loves Me, Amazing Grace, What A Friend We Have In Jesus, The Old Rugged Cross....a few oldie but goodies in the Hymn arena. She was at peace, even if just for a while.

All this made me give a lot of thought to my core. Mother taught me much. All my life, she taught me that Prayer Changes Things....one of her favorite sayings. She taught me that you need to be kind, reach out to others in need, share your blessings and share your faith.

As we got back to my house for a quick potty break before continuing their trip home to the Piedmont of N.C., I watched Mother apply her lipstick before getting out of the car. I was reminded of another lesson she taught me around the age of 12 years old..."No lady is dressed until her lipstick is on"!

I love you Mother. You're an amazing woman of God...your "CORE" is healthy. If I can only be a little like you.

This post is dedicated to my Mother...Annie. ...may her legacy live on in her "Girls". Thank you God for this weekend.